Children aged 7-12 experience complex emotions after their parents separate. A new Finnish study reveals they cycle through shock, sadness, anger and sometimes relief. Researchers at the University of JyvÀskylÀ found children need better preparation for divorce news.
The study identified four main ways children discuss parental separation. These include shock reactions, emotional processing, self-distancing and acceptance. Most children moved through multiple phases rather than staying in one category.
Study lead Johanna TerÀvÀ emphasized the diversity of children's experiences. Children are not a uniform group and there's no single right way to feel about divorce, she noted. Adults should not try to categorize or teach children how to experience their emotions.
The research collected data from 32 children between 2022 and 2024. Interviews continue with individual children. One key finding showed children benefit greatly from sharing experiences with peers who understand their situation.
Many children experienced initial shock upon hearing about the separation. The news often came as a complete surprise. Researchers suggest parents should prepare children for divorce announcements while considering their age and development level.
Children frequently asked why the separation happened. Those from homes with visible conflict sometimes felt relief. Most children wanted their parents to reunite but understood this wasn't possible.
Children strongly observed their parents' emotions during this period. They noticed broken voices and tears they'd never seen before. One child expressed such distress they wished monsters would eat them.
TerÀvÀ noted children become skilled at distancing themselves to cope. Blended family situations evoked mixed reactions. Some appreciated new siblings while others resented new partners moving in.
Many children want to discuss parental separation with trusted adults. They contact Finland's Mannerheim League for Child Welfare helpline and chat services. School conversations can be particularly difficult, according to service expert Anna Weckström.
Children juggle practical concerns alongside emotional ones. They worry about housing changes, school transfers and even pet ownership. Many feel their parents lack time or energy to properly discuss these issues during the crisis.
Parental arguments often continue post-separation, causing ongoing distress. Children may resist visiting one parent due to discomfort with new relationships or general unease.
Weckström observed that divorce occupies children's thoughts for years. Different developmental stages bring new perspectives on the separation. The study highlights how parental divorce affects Finnish children long-term and the importance of open communication.